To worry not, is quite a task

Throughout the years I have always been a worry wart – overthinking every little thing, always thinking something is wrong when it isn’t, making small things into bigger things.

These days I try to keep worrying to a minimum as I know it doesn’t do me any good. But I guess that’s easier said than done. Some issues are so easy to put out of the mind, but then sometimes they come back and bother us again. I often question why I worry about certain issues when they don’t even matter or issues that I have no control over. I get myself into what my best friend calls an ‘anxiety spiral’ where I let the worry bother me so much it takes over me. I wish I did care less about certain things, but sometimes it’s so hard to let stuff go.

I guess the moral of this story is to not worry about anything you can’t change, don’t dwell on the past, and just concentrate on the now. We can all choose whether or not to worry about something. And if we look at the bigger picture and ask ourselves whether this will matter in 5 or 10 years time, then we should be convinced that worrying is unecessary!

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Indecision

I tend to be stuck in the dilemma of having to make a decision, even over the most simple choices and I find that even the simple ones are the hardest to make decisions over. It’s crazy! I’m sure a lot of you have trouble in deciding what to do whether it be a big or small issue.

Last night, I was feeling quite stressed over having to make the decision of whether or not I wanted to go to my first shift at a local pub. You know when your gut is just saying no and then you become unsure of what to do? Well I was going with my gut and decided not to go ahead with the shift. But before that decision was even made, throughout the whole day I could not decide whether to attend or not. Time was ticking and I had to let the employer know because they were expecting me.

You would think such a decision would be easy to make. I either wanted to go, or I didn’t. Seems simple enough. But then come the feelings of guilt, thinking I should at least give it a go before I decide I like the job or not. And just constantly in my head I just didn’t know what to do anymore. I was so frustrated in myself that I could not make the choice so easily. In the end, I made a very last minute call to the employer telling her I wasn’t going to attend but I felt so bad because I called when I was supposed to start my shift so I didn’t really give them much time to allow for what I decided. It was unfair on them and rude of me to be honest. But I just became so hesitant in going because I just wasn’t sure if working in a pub was for me. Enigma is great because it’s such a busy atmosphere during the course of the night and I’m around a lot of young people but when I went to these two joint pubs on Monday for an interview, I just didn’t feel it was for me. I didn’t feel it was the right atmosphere and it just didn’t seem to fit in.

It wasn’t my idea to apply for this work but a word was put in for me for this job because the place was looking for people. That is what makes me feel bad even more. Certain things aren’t for everyone but it would have been more courteous to have given the employer more notice. But because of indecision, I ended up making a hasty choice in the end which most likely has now come at a cost to the relationship between me and the employers, and I have possibly ruined any chance of being accepted by them if I do decide I want to try the job out.

I was required to work three hours last night for training and I don’t think it would have killed me to try it out and then make a decision based on how I found it. But I let what I felt and saw on Monday at each pub get to my decision. When I feel something isn’t for me and I’m not keen on it, whether or not I’ve even tried it, I become really hesitant because I don’t like to do something that turns out being a waste of my time. That’s what happened with the call centre job I was at last week. I got the job and wasn’t extremely excited because I had a feeling it wouldn’t be too productive based on what product I was working for and I turned out being right. The job was boring and unproductive. And I ended up quitting. I guess I let what happened there become the base of my decision not to work at the pub. It would have been an experience and something to put on a resume, but I can’t see myself working a bar on my own of a particular day and dealing with drunk, older customers who may make crude remarks towards me. That and the fact the pub may be quiet some days. I cannot handle being bored at work and having to try and find things to do that have already been done.

I still feel a little bad about it even though I felt it wasn’t for me. I feel like I have let my family and myself down for not giving it a go. Not only that, but the employers too. They were expecting me and had already gone through how the place works and used their time to get things sorted out for me, only for me to decide last minute not to attend.

Nothing can be done about it now, but it just goes to show that sometimes there is no win no matter what your gut is telling you. Mine said no and yet I still ended up feeling bad about it. That and the problem of indecision.

Not only in this instance, but I find sometimes I can’t decide on what to eat if I’m going out to lunch with my friends and we end up wasting time trying to decide what to do. I try and avoid it all costs now and end up just going with whatever my first thought tells me.

Indecision is frustrating and it’s always the most complicated when it’s over a simple choice, like food. After all, you either want to eat this certain thing or you don’t. You either want to do something or you don’t. Sounds simple enough, right?

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