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The power of acceptance

One of the hardest things to do in Iife is to accept. Especially when it comes to things we don’t like to accept. I had trouble with acceptance for a year and a half but I have really learned it’s power and how it has changed my life.

I have brought this up many times in previous blogs and I can relate to this issue again. After my break up, when I wasn’t feeling positive about anything, I could never seem to convince myself that things happen for a reason and that not everything is meant to be. I kept focusing on how I wanted everything to be the way it used to be and to be happy again being in the same position with my ex partner. But what I didn’t realise until late last year was that I had to accept that the relationship was over and there was no way to fix it anymore to go back to the way things used to be. I also realised I deserved so much better than how I was treated after the break up. That has definitely helped me a lot in the healing process. Accepting that I needed to begin a new life on my own doing different things was really hard because I couldn’t imagine living life differently to how I had been the past 3 years. That life was a huge part of me and I couldn’t let it go for a long time but once I accepted that things were going to be okay and that I would be happy again, it honestly felt like a massive load off my shoulders. All this weight that had been dragging me down had completely disappeared and I felt so grounded. It is such an amazing feel to wake up to everyday.

I also discovered quite recently that acceptance helped me in another situation. Over the weekend I had a tough time because of the lead up to the new year and I had been missing my family, friends and home a lot so I was feeling sad and stressed out about being away from them and I also felt stressed out at work, not being with family and feeling so exhausted behind the bar and feeling out of place because of not knowing my work friends well. I had a good cry over it and let everything out, and it felt good after that but those moments I felt so down reminded me of the person I was when I was around my ex and for some odd reason I kept thinking I was feeling that way because I always did when he was in my life. I was so used to feeling sad and not myself around him that it felt so normal to be reminded of him when I did feel sad and stressed out. Because whenever I was sad and stressed, it was because of him. But what I reminded myself is that it is okay to feel stressed and sad at times and my ex was not the reason I do get upset that way I have felt in the past. I accept that not everyday can be perfect and if I didn’t feel sad or a little bit stressed then I wouldn’t be human. Once you accept that things have to be a certain way, you are on the road to feeling so empowered and so liberated. Acceptance has helped me and still helps me a whole lot and it was so hard for me to get to this point but anything is possible and I know I will always succeed with this life tool.

War of my life

‘Worry doesn’t help tomorrow’s troubles, but it does ruin today’s happiness’ – Anonymous

I’ve been somewhat stressed the past couple of days. I do accept that this is normal because not everyday is perfect. I’ve been feeling bad about not trying out the pub job I had a chance to experience and I’m really keen on getting a second job so I can keep busy and help my family financially. I’m frustrated I haven’t been able to find one, apart from the opportunity from the pub job I had. So it is making me feel a little lost and uncertain. I’m so happy I have a job at Enigma but I also want something with more hours and during the week, while my cousins are at school.

Not only has that been on my mind, but I’ve been over-thinking and looking into some things a little too much.

I also found out that the university I got into has deferred me until the wrong year; 2014 instead of 2013. I know it’s not the end of the world and it will all work out but I would be quite upset if they can’t change this to the correct year because I went through the process of applying for uni and getting it organised. It’s not a difficult process but I just don’t want to have to go through that again because of one minor error someone has made. I have emailed the university and have kindly asked them to change my deferral time to the correct year. All I need to do is wait on their response and the outcome.

I don’t like feeling stressed, as I can’t imagine anyone else would. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that leads you nowhere and only makes you worry unnecessarily. I know now how to deal with it better, since becoming a more optimistic person so I know what to focus on when I’m feeling like this. I have gone over my ‘Secret Shifter’s list which has helped and I have also listened to some upbeat music that made me feel like dancing.

‘It’s possible to forget how alive we really are. We can become dry and tired, just existing, instead of really living. We need to remind ourselves of the juice of life, and make that a habit. Find those places inside that jump for joy, and do things’ – Anonymous

Stress is common and even the happiest of people go through it so I know that this is only a phase. It just feels very strange to me since I don’t stress near as much as I used to, but I am proud of myself for that. The key for me is to just keep pushing forward, laugh everything off and smile the whole way through.

‘You want an elixir for life’s drama? Laugh!!’ – Robert W. Merriweather

Life isn’t meant to be easy, but that’s what makes me the stronger person I am today.

‘Yes, stress messes with your life. It messes with mine. However, that’s when you have to fight back. Fight back with everything you’ve got. Get mad then get even by finding a little bit of joy in the midst of your stress’

Journey to self-discovery

There comes a point in your life where you don’t know who you are, where you want to be, what your long and short term goals are and the like. You’re at a stand still, not going forward nor backward. Just still, immobile and going nowhere. I believe this is very common in the adolescent years because it is a time you’re at the age where you’re still trying to find yourself and trying to find out who you really are and what you really want out of life. What a whole load of confusion!

Over the past 6 weeks or so I have only just figured out who I am and want I want in life. I also have short and long term goals that I never thought I would have created until now.

From previous blog posts, namely ‘I am number one’ and ‘Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional’ I talk about a break up I went through. And of course it is a very typical story where there are worse cases of that situation which is why I don’t like to play the victim role and I have stopped feeling sorry for myself. The point I’m trying to get at is, is that it was a time where I really lost myself  for awhile and I had nothing left. My whole identity had been stripped away from me. I was emotionally broken. When I was in that position I never felt like I could get out of it because I was constantly putting myself into that situation and making it worse on myself when I knew it wasn’t healthy for me. But you can’t help how you feel sometimes and those feelings are bound to happen. I knew I needed to get out of that vicious cycle though.

My main escape or way of healing and becoming myself again was to travel – getting away to see different places and different people. Just constantly being surrounded by something different every day. It was also good to break out of routine at home too.

This traveling I’ve done so far has already paid off! I am so happy and I absolutely love life. I am so grateful I have had the chance to have a lot of time to myself to figure out what I want out of life, who I am, what I deserve and where I want to be. It’s such a good feeling knowing you’ve reached that point and from there you know you can conquer anything. I wake up everyday appreciating my life and I’m excited for what is to come. I treat every day as an adventure and just take everything as it comes.

I’m a much better friend because I can freely give advice without having to focus so much on what my problems were. Rather than being so consumed and constantly relying on my friends to make things better, I now feel strong enough to be there for my friends completely. And they seem to take in my advice more now that they can see I’m focusing on them when they need me.

Today I caught up with a good friend of mine for lunch and we had a really great catch up. I was laughing and talking so strongly and happily. I kept telling myself that I couldn’t even remember the last time I felt this happy. I usually would see my friends as a distraction from my problems but now that I’m not consumed by them, nor do I care for them I can actually catch up with my friends without that need to see them because I’m stressed out. I am genuinely happy and just talk so freely about things. I looked in the mirror when I got home and just gave a massive smile to myself for how far I’ve come in 6 weeks. I have really grown.

I have found out so many things about myself and I have learned to love myself again and feel happy. Days aren’t a struggle any more, simple tasks aren’t an effort like they used to be. I just feel so free and happy within myself that I can’t imagine going back to the person I used to be. It’s really hard for me to be negative these days because I don’t like to be any more. It’s a waste of emotion that only brings me down and I don’t need that. I have finally learned that choosing to feel happy is the much better and healthier option.

I love the fact that I have been traveling to help me find myself again. It’s what I really needed. My good friend actually mentioned a valid point and told me ‘don’t associate the happiness with the place, but within yourself’ and that’s a great point because he was trying to say I shouldn’t just feel happy because I’m away, that’s just what I needed to get me there but once I come back home, I’ll still feel happy. That has not changed at all since being home so I’m glad I haven’t associated my happiness with being away. It’s great I’ve had a head start in traveling on my own and getting some time to myself before I go to the UK for a year where things will be a lot more challenging. But I’m up for the ride and I have already achieved so much through traveling already, just imagine what the UK will do for me. This journey to self-discovery still continues!

I know people who are in this situation where they don’t care about themselves and life in general so they just let every day pass by them like it’s meaningless. It makes me sad and frustrated that people neglect their needs and not care about anything in life. Taking care of your appearance isn’t an issue any more and you eat and drink whatever you please until your belly explodes! And you gain those few extra kilo’s making yourself look and feel physically unhealthy. Now that I’ve gone passed that stage, I help those who are in that situation and motivate them to get themselves out of it because anything is possible and there is no such thing as a hopeless situation (referring to The Secret once again). You can change your life to the way you want to live it. I know it’s a hard place to get out of which is why it takes some time and patience until you realise it’s not where you’re meant to be. For those of you who are feeling really low at the moment because you’re going through a really hard time in your life, please don’t give up hope because you will be happy again and there will be something you choose to take up in in your life that will make you realise who you are again and that life is too short to be miserable. We’re all allowed to feel down at times which is completely normal but you don’t need to constantly put yourself in that situation. Things may seem really hard at the time, but they do get better. You just need to take one step at a time. That’s all it takes.

Just believe in yourself. You can do this. If I got there then so can you!

 

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

I never thought I would be able to talk about a break up I went through without getting emotional but here I am, about to do so.

I was with a guy for three years and we broke up about a year and a half ago. I was very back and forth with him afterwards – talking, then not talking and so forth. I was taking so many steps backwards in to moving on but for anyone who has been in a long term relationship and have broken up, you would understand how hard it is to avoid that one person who you’ve shared so much with and who’s been in your life for a long time.

Those closest to me know how much I was affected by the break up and how much I let it ruin my life! And none of it was worth it.

Referring to my ‘I am number one’ blog, I mentioned how I would always try and please my ex boyfriend so he was happy and as a result, neglecting my needs, my health and my happiness. I did that for months and months, even though I knew it was for nothing and knew it was a waste of my time and effort and that it was a cost to my happiness.

It’s so strange how one person can affect your life so much and make you do extreme things and go to desperate measures. You become a different person, what I’d like to call, the worst version of yourself. I was never happy with my ex boyfriend in my life and even when I thought I was, it didn’t last very long. I knew that he was making me unhappy but I never kept away from him, as much as I knew I should have.

After a year and a half of almost hell, I can safely say that I have accepted that my relationship with my ex boyfriend is over and it’s time for me to move on, which I have already been doing this past month while being away.

All the times I was miserable and let my ex boyfriend consume my life, I never thought I could get through it and I never thought that I could get over him.
But this past month away has done wonders for my emotional and physical health. I laugh everyday, I’m always smiling, I’m a better friend, sister and daughter and I appreciate life so much more. I also run everyday, eat less and eat better and I’m feeling great!

Don’t get me wrong, break ups are hard and I went through a lot but I am so happy that I’m in the healing process and taking care of myself, doing things to make me happy and not worrying about what anyone else wants because I know that I’m important and deserve to feel and be happy.

I don’t feel guilty, regretful or sad about the break up or how things have turned out from then on because I know everything happens for a reason and not every relationship is meant to be. There is a lot worse out there and I’m
lucky I didn’t go through a relationship that lasted longer through to an engagement or marriage!

Despite the pain it did put me through, pain is more than likely to occur and exist which we have to accept but to suffer is a CHOICE. And I choose not to suffer over an experience that I am already starting to heal from and one in which I am becoming a much better and stronger person.

I can’t even remember the last time I felt this happy but I am very glad that I have reached this point. We always get there in the end. All it takes is time,
patience, acceptance and realisation that life does get better and that there is a bigger world beyond that one guy we thought we would be with for a life time. As one door closes, another one opens and I am so excited to experience this beautiful world and what challenges it brings me! Onward and upward!

Just laugh it off!

I’m pretty sure most of us have been through stressful times, whether minimal or extreme. And I’m pretty sure we have all been through a time where things are going really great for us and we’re really happy and some ‘one’ or some ‘people’ crap all over it and try and ruin it for us. When certain situations get us down we can change that mood in an instant! Since reading The Secret I have learned that you can have the choice to feel a certain way. YOU can choose the way you want to live your life and how you react to things. If you’re focusing on stressful situations and making yourself feel sad, then your going to constantly bring that negativity onto yourself. And if you want to feel happy it works the same way and you can change to that mood in an instant! I’m more than certain we would rather feel the latter. It is very true though. There is a lot of stress and hard times in this world but we can’t let it get to the point that we feel that there is no way out. We don’t have to feel sad about something if we don’t want to. Any situation, no matter how bad it may seem can be turned into a good one but it’s all up to YOU to turn it around.

I like to say that I’m more of a positive, open minded person these days but in the past when I’ve gone through terrible situations I have felt like it’s the end of the world, that there will be no solution and that the issue will never go away so I would keep focusing on it, bringing more misery into my life, taking things out on my loved ones and neglecting my needs. I know now that all of those feelings were unnecessary. Don’t get me wrong, of course we’re all allowed to feel sad and feel like crap at times, no day is ever perfect and we can’t expect it to be but  we shouldn’t have to make ourselves feel that way all the time. If you want to feel happy, you can change that immediately! Put on some good music – I recommend anything you can dance to because it gets your energy up, it’s good exercise and I can guarantee it will make you feel good straight away 🙂 It’s one of the things I love to do when I don’t want to focus on something that will stress me out. Go on a walk, a run, read a book or even go to your favourite place and just relax and write in a journal. Do whatever you know will put that smile on your face. There is ALWAYS something that will make you feel better. You’ve just got to find it and use it and you will turn that frown upside down!

A great thing that I’ve taken out from The Secret is to write a list of  ‘Secret Shifters’ down – these are things that make you feel better, things that make you laugh and feel happy. I have things included such as the beach because it’s one of my favourite places to be and somewhere I feel really calm, I have jokes between friends and I written down, my sister, my dad, things I like etc. These are all things that make me feel good. Different things you have on your list will shift your mood at different times so if you find that one of them doesn’t work, then move on to another. For example, thinking about the beach might not change my mood on one particular day but if I look at a joke between me and my friends, that is the primary thing that will make me feel better on that day. So it all depends but there is always something in that list that will lift your mood right up! So I recommend you all write a Secret Shifters list and keep it with you everywhere you go or somewhere you know you’ll always look at it.

But the most important point of all to stressful situations and to anyone who tries to bring you down is to just LAUGH IT OFF. There is nothing better than laughing about something that makes you sad. If you can’t do anything else, just laugh 🙂 It’s the best medicine after all, it makes us feel GOOD and everything seems so much easier and less of a problem. Whatever is going on in your life just disappears because you’re not focusing on the bad points. When it comes to people who are trying to get in your way, piss you off and bring you down for no good reason, just think to yourself, they are only trying to put you down for something they are lacking in their own lives and to feel better about themselves. So there is no point in feeling sad about it. In the end, they’re the ones who look like fools. WHO CARES! Laugh everything off  and the world will become a better place I can guarantee it 🙂

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