Lady of Fatima

My auntie and uncle are extremely religious; they are Catholics who stress the importance of praying each and every day. In their home, they have an altar dedicated to God which has statues of Santo NiƱo – who is a Filipino symbol of God, they also have ornaments and pictures of Jesus and Mary which are all surrounded by lights, candles and flowers. It’s a really beautiful set up. Here is a photo of it:

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This past week has been really important for my family because Lady Mary had been delivered to their place to stay for a week so they could pray to her every night for her guidance and protection over us. I was involved and prayed with them on Wednesday night, Sunday night and tonight. I am a strong believer in God as I am a Catholic myself but I never usually pray in this way, and to Mary directly. I was a little new to it, but it was a nice thing to do. I could really feel her and God through our prayers and songs to her.

It was Mary’s last night in auntie’s home so some visitors, including the group that organised her delivery came along for the final prayer. I was asked to be the lead which I was quite nervous about because I didn’t want to stuff anything up during prayer but the organiser Helen guided me through and gave me a booklet to read through. We held rosaries and prayed and sang. It was lovely.

It’s actually a coincidence that Mary was here during my holiday because she was also here the last time I came to America when I was ten and I remember praying with my family at that time. My auntie told me I was lucky she’s here again because it means she’s here to guide me and wants me to be in her presence. I believe that too. And I thank God she was here for me during this week.

Although I make more more efforts in praying every night, having Mary here has made me feel God even more and to never forget to pray, and to always know that they are here to help is and guide us through life; struggles and good moments.

I will always hold a special place in my heart for God. I will never stop believing because there is no life without God. He has helped me out through everything in my life.

And to Mary, may you always protect each and every one of us, guide us and help us whenever we need you.

My love for you endures forever.

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Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

I never thought I would be able to talk about a break up I went through without getting emotional but here I am, about to do so.

I was with a guy for three years and we broke up about a year and a half ago. I was very back and forth with him afterwards – talking, then not talking and so forth. I was taking so many steps backwards in to moving on but for anyone who has been in a long term relationship and have broken up, you would understand how hard it is to avoid that one person who you’ve shared so much with and who’s been in your life for a long time.

Those closest to me know how much I was affected by the break up and how much I let it ruin my life! And none of it was worth it.

Referring to my ‘I am number one’ blog, I mentioned how I would always try and please my ex boyfriend so he was happy and as a result, neglecting my needs, my health and my happiness. I did that for months and months, even though I knew it was for nothing and knew it was a waste of my time and effort and that it was a cost to my happiness.

It’s so strange how one person can affect your life so much and make you do extreme things and go to desperate measures. You become a different person, what I’d like to call, the worst version of yourself. I was never happy with my ex boyfriend in my life and even when I thought I was, it didn’t last very long. I knew that he was making me unhappy but I never kept away from him, as much as I knew I should have.

After a year and a half of almost hell, I can safely say that I have accepted that my relationship with my ex boyfriend is over and it’s time for me to move on, which I have already been doing this past month while being away.

All the times I was miserable and let my ex boyfriend consume my life, I never thought I could get through it and I never thought that I could get over him.
But this past month away has done wonders for my emotional and physical health. I laugh everyday, I’m always smiling, I’m a better friend, sister and daughter and I appreciate life so much more. I also run everyday, eat less and eat better and I’m feeling great!

Don’t get me wrong, break ups are hard and I went through a lot but I am so happy that I’m in the healing process and taking care of myself, doing things to make me happy and not worrying about what anyone else wants because I know that I’m important and deserve to feel and be happy.

I don’t feel guilty, regretful or sad about the break up or how things have turned out from then on because I know everything happens for a reason and not every relationship is meant to be. There is a lot worse out there and I’m
lucky I didn’t go through a relationship that lasted longer through to an engagement or marriage!

Despite the pain it did put me through, pain is more than likely to occur and exist which we have to accept but to suffer is a CHOICE. And I choose not to suffer over an experience that I am already starting to heal from and one in which I am becoming a much better and stronger person.

I can’t even remember the last time I felt this happy but I am very glad that I have reached this point. We always get there in the end. All it takes is time,
patience, acceptance and realisation that life does get better and that there is a bigger world beyond that one guy we thought we would be with for a life time. As one door closes, another one opens and I am so excited to experience this beautiful world and what challenges it brings me! Onward and upward!

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