Going solo

Months ago I used to absolutely hate being single. After my ex, I wished to be with someone constantly and I never thought I would ever find that one Mr. Right. As I have mentioned in my ‘Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely’ blog, I talk about how I felt I had to catch up to my friends who were in serious relationships. Through experience, I discovered that it wasn’t the right path to go down. I set myself up for disappointment and false hope with guys who could care less about me as a person. It’s all part of the learning experience anyway. But through all that, it has made me realise that I don’t ever want to revolve my life around that one guy because you never know what can happen and the majority are either of the following:
– they are just after sex
– they use you, get bored of you and don’t love you anymore
– they cheat
I don’t believe all guys are bad because I have good guy friends but through experience, I have come to learn that most guys could care less about you and one girl is never enough for them. You can’t ever really trust them, and you’d be lucky to have a guy who truly cares about you and loves you for you.

This isn’t an attack on all guys, but through my own experiences and through those of my friends, I have absolutely no interest in them at this point in time. Not to be in a relationship anyway. They are way too much drama and only cause trouble. I’m just so glad I am single and enjoy life not having to deal with boy dramas. I think after being in a serious relationship for 3 years, and during a time I was really young and naive, I think I owe it to myself to give all that time back to me, for when I wasn’t on my own. Already in these few months I have started getting to know myself again and I’m happier because I am dedicating my time to me and focusing on my wants and needs. I now know what I want in a guy in the future when I’m willing and ready to allow someone in and be able to trust them enough to let them have me if I feel they are worthy.

For the moment, the single life is really fun for me. I do everything that I want to do and I don’t have to run it by anyone. I also have so much more time for myself. I’m such a happier and stronger person this way. I’m so proud to say I’m happy on my own and this is how it will stay for a while.

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Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely

Whether you’ve been through a break up or not, some of us feel we need to rush into finding love. It could be because we feel we’re behind from our friends who are in long term relationships or because we feel we won’t ever find anyone so we decide to settle for less; someone who isn’t right for us and won’t make us ideally happy. And in the long run, you won’t be in a genuine relationship with that person.

Soon after my ex boyfriend and I broke up I felt I had to move on to someone else straight away and start a relationship with them to make the pain go away and forget my ex. Well through seeing different people and growing attached to them, only for those relationships to shatter and never become anything more, I learned that that’s not the best move because I find soon after a break up, issues between you and your ex are still fresh and therefore you’re not emotionally ready to commit yourself to someone else. You’d constantly be comparing your new partner with your ex and that’s not fair on you or them and it would result in an unhappy relationship, more hurt and potentially, another break up.

I myself have good friends who are in serious relationships and I always felt I had to catch up to them because it seemed that they have their lives on track and are set to go. What I didn’t realise until recently is that you don’t need a partner for you to say your life is set. You don’t need to be like anyone else who is a couple either long term, engaged or soon to married. Life is not defined by one person. Well I don’t think so anyway. There is plenty of time
to settle down and be with someone but first it’s important to make room
for you and enjoy your life on your own, to do all the things you wouldn’t normally do or can’t do if you have a partner. There is no need to rush. I’m young, I’m 21, and a lot of you people out there are young too. Be happy you’re at an age you can still enjoy your life and do so much for YOU. I used to absolutely hate being single but I’ve become so used to it over the past few months and I absolutely love it! I don’t have to answer to anyone, nor do I need to stop myself from doing or not doing something because of someone else. I don’t have to worry about fights or any other dramas with someone else. It’s a great life! The thought of being with my one true guy is a nice thought but one that will exist in the near future. I will settle down when I’m ready. But for right now, I’m going to enjoy my life. And you should too. So don’t be sad you’re not with anyone and don’t be desperate and just jump at someone who crosses your path just because you need someone to make up for your loneliness. That’s not the way to true love. After all, it’s better to wait and have something that’s real and true, than to rush and settle for second best.

Farewell San Francisco

So I will be flying out of the beautiful San Francisco today. I have been here for 6 weeks and it has been such a wonderful holiday. I have seen so much and learned so much about myself and life in general.

I had a wonderful time with my family who did so much for me and I appreciate every moment I’ve had with them.

I wish this 6 weeks didn’t go so fast but I am excited to be home.

I will miss it here so much.

Farewell America and thank you for everything you’ve done for me.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

I never thought I would be able to talk about a break up I went through without getting emotional but here I am, about to do so.

I was with a guy for three years and we broke up about a year and a half ago. I was very back and forth with him afterwards – talking, then not talking and so forth. I was taking so many steps backwards in to moving on but for anyone who has been in a long term relationship and have broken up, you would understand how hard it is to avoid that one person who you’ve shared so much with and who’s been in your life for a long time.

Those closest to me know how much I was affected by the break up and how much I let it ruin my life! And none of it was worth it.

Referring to my ‘I am number one’ blog, I mentioned how I would always try and please my ex boyfriend so he was happy and as a result, neglecting my needs, my health and my happiness. I did that for months and months, even though I knew it was for nothing and knew it was a waste of my time and effort and that it was a cost to my happiness.

It’s so strange how one person can affect your life so much and make you do extreme things and go to desperate measures. You become a different person, what I’d like to call, the worst version of yourself. I was never happy with my ex boyfriend in my life and even when I thought I was, it didn’t last very long. I knew that he was making me unhappy but I never kept away from him, as much as I knew I should have.

After a year and a half of almost hell, I can safely say that I have accepted that my relationship with my ex boyfriend is over and it’s time for me to move on, which I have already been doing this past month while being away.

All the times I was miserable and let my ex boyfriend consume my life, I never thought I could get through it and I never thought that I could get over him.
But this past month away has done wonders for my emotional and physical health. I laugh everyday, I’m always smiling, I’m a better friend, sister and daughter and I appreciate life so much more. I also run everyday, eat less and eat better and I’m feeling great!

Don’t get me wrong, break ups are hard and I went through a lot but I am so happy that I’m in the healing process and taking care of myself, doing things to make me happy and not worrying about what anyone else wants because I know that I’m important and deserve to feel and be happy.

I don’t feel guilty, regretful or sad about the break up or how things have turned out from then on because I know everything happens for a reason and not every relationship is meant to be. There is a lot worse out there and I’m
lucky I didn’t go through a relationship that lasted longer through to an engagement or marriage!

Despite the pain it did put me through, pain is more than likely to occur and exist which we have to accept but to suffer is a CHOICE. And I choose not to suffer over an experience that I am already starting to heal from and one in which I am becoming a much better and stronger person.

I can’t even remember the last time I felt this happy but I am very glad that I have reached this point. We always get there in the end. All it takes is time,
patience, acceptance and realisation that life does get better and that there is a bigger world beyond that one guy we thought we would be with for a life time. As one door closes, another one opens and I am so excited to experience this beautiful world and what challenges it brings me! Onward and upward!

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