Merry Christmas!

To all my loved ones in Australia, the UK, America, Philippines and to everyone else around the world I wish you all a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!

May you all have a beautiful day shared with your loved ones, eat up a storm, rip open those presents and for anyone who is travelling during this time, please be safe!

Lots of love,
Kathy
xxx

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‘Tis the season…

It’s that time of year again, all things hectic and crazy. I can’t believe how quick this year has gone and that Christmas is only 3 days away. As like every December, (accept this time I’m in another country) everywhere is busy and everyone is rushing around doing their last minute Christmas shopping. Today I did mine, and since I’m away from home, I’m lucky I didn’t have the stress of buying for too many people. Each year it seems so much harder to find gifts for my friends and family because they either have everything they need or don’t want anything at all.

This year, although it was somewhat stressful, I knew what I wanted to get for my family here based on discovery questions and observing what they like. Even though that was the case, I was in one shop for almost an hour trying to figure out what to get and choose between one thing another which did stress me out -as always I was just so indecisive! But once I did some hunting, I ended up finding the perfect gifts for my family members. PHEW! It is such a relief and a massive load off your shoulders when you have bought all your Christmas presents. It’s even better when you get it done in one day and you’re happy with the costs! I always get excited with gift giving because I love the look on people’s faces when they see what you’ve given them, knowing that they love what you got them.

I wouldn’t say I’m a big fan of Christmas and I don’t get excited about it anymore. This has been the case since my dad passed away and it’s also probably because I’m not a kid anymore so I’ve grown out of it and I don’t care much for presents because I don’t expect anything. I don’t need all that much, and these days I buy what I need myself. In saying that though, I do really appreciate any gifts I do get.

This Christmas in particular will be different and hard because one; I’ll be having a Christmas winter, two; it will be another Christmas without my dad and three; it will be my first Christmas away from my mum and dearest sister and I really do miss them and I do wish we were together but I’m thankful I have a family here to celebrate with. I will try my hardest to be happy because of that.

As this is meant to be a happy time and one that is about being with family, unfortunately I have heard that young lives have been lost due to car accidents back home in Australia and here, in Devon. For those families who have been affected by these tragic incidents, may God give you strength during this difficult time and may those who have died, rest in peace. I wish everyone safe travels if anyone plans to be away for the Christmas season. And to anyone else who has passed away before Christmas, may you rest in peace and may God keep your loved ones strong. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I wish you all a safe and very Merry Christmas!

– Kathy
xxx

Going solo

Months ago I used to absolutely hate being single. After my ex, I wished to be with someone constantly and I never thought I would ever find that one Mr. Right. As I have mentioned in my ‘Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely’ blog, I talk about how I felt I had to catch up to my friends who were in serious relationships. Through experience, I discovered that it wasn’t the right path to go down. I set myself up for disappointment and false hope with guys who could care less about me as a person. It’s all part of the learning experience anyway. But through all that, it has made me realise that I don’t ever want to revolve my life around that one guy because you never know what can happen and the majority are either of the following:
– they are just after sex
– they use you, get bored of you and don’t love you anymore
– they cheat
I don’t believe all guys are bad because I have good guy friends but through experience, I have come to learn that most guys could care less about you and one girl is never enough for them. You can’t ever really trust them, and you’d be lucky to have a guy who truly cares about you and loves you for you.

This isn’t an attack on all guys, but through my own experiences and through those of my friends, I have absolutely no interest in them at this point in time. Not to be in a relationship anyway. They are way too much drama and only cause trouble. I’m just so glad I am single and enjoy life not having to deal with boy dramas. I think after being in a serious relationship for 3 years, and during a time I was really young and naive, I think I owe it to myself to give all that time back to me, for when I wasn’t on my own. Already in these few months I have started getting to know myself again and I’m happier because I am dedicating my time to me and focusing on my wants and needs. I now know what I want in a guy in the future when I’m willing and ready to allow someone in and be able to trust them enough to let them have me if I feel they are worthy.

For the moment, the single life is really fun for me. I do everything that I want to do and I don’t have to run it by anyone. I also have so much more time for myself. I’m such a happier and stronger person this way. I’m so proud to say I’m happy on my own and this is how it will stay for a while.

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Envision everything

Don’t you find it amazing when you picture something happening in your mind; whether it is dreaming about that new car, seeing yourself with your true love, being wealthy and successful, and it actually comes true and appears right before your eyes?

This is the process of visualisation. And it works wonders if you apply it to your own life.

I use this process and a number of times, things I have thought about eventually come true. There are too many examples to name them all specifically but to name a few, before I came to the UK, working at a bar or club is what I really wanted to do so I imagined myself working behind the bar in some sort of busy club meeting new friends and that has come true for me now. And this might seem borderline stalker, lol but we all do it I’m sure but there is a guy I work with at Enigma who is pretty good looking (luckily I don’t have anyone from work on Facebook for them to see this because I would be the slightest embarrassed) and I just kept imagining seeing him around town, just keep seeing his face in my mind and what do you know? Tonight I briefly see him outside a grocery store randomly! So weird. But it just goes to show that whatever you imagine you want to happen, no matter how big or small, these thoughts become things and what you visualise won’t necessarily come true straight away but it always does eventually.

I discovered this process through reading ‘The Secret’. And it’s really useful to use when you want to have something in your life. For example, if you want that dream car you need to visualise you already have it and then one day, whether it be in weeks, months or years, that dream car you’ve always wanted will be right before your eyes.

I find it so important to visualise what I want because I know it will become real one day. It has already happened for me a number of times and this process hasn’t failed me yet! Well, not that I can think of anyway.

So don’t forget to VISUALISE because everything you’ve been dreaming about will be yours.

Be who you are, and do it on purpose

This blog is inspired by one of my good friends Christopher Stefano. Since receiving the a’okay from him to write about a recent incident he went through, I have decided to share it with you all. Chris is gay and his mum’s friend is a homophobe and she had recently put him down and cursed at him for his sexuality saying things like ‘it is all an act and that he tries to be gay, dresses like a freak and will never succeed in life’. Chris being someone I really care about, knowing that this happened has hurt and angered me that people can say such a thing. What I am most proud of about Chris in this situation is that he never backed down on who he is and he wasn’t afraid to make that clear to her. He stays true to himself and doesn’t care what people think of him. And that makes him such a strong, happy and true person. And I love him for that. I am not a judgemental person myself and I have absolutely nothing against gays and lesbians. I accept people for who they are no matter what their sexuality. I just can’t seem to understand why others have to be so rude against it. His situation really stresses the importance of being who you are and staying true to that no matter what anyone else thinks. It also shows that some people are extremely judgemental and ignorant and that they are the ones who truly aren’t happy in their own lives. They’re either lacking something, are jealous, don’t really feel good about themselves and are insecure. And I think that’s the most important thing to realise too because you shouldn’t let people bring you down when you know who you are and you’re proud of it. Chris’s situation reminds me of quite a few people who have put me down, just because they have nothing better to do. Namely, my ex. Similarly, as what I have stated in my ‘Just laugh it off’ and ‘Ignorance is bliss’ blogs I think it is so important to just laugh at those who bring you down, ignore them and keep them out of your life! Because in the end, they are the ones who need a reality check in their own lives! And if they were truly happy, they wouldn’t be saying negative things about you or towards you to bring you down. That is such an important lesson I have learned; is to just be myself, not be afraid of that and be proud of who I am and always stay true to that. If people aren’t happy with who I am and don’t accept me for me then it’s their loss. And I don’t care because if you can’t take me as I am then really, you’re just not a genuine person and I don’t need that in my life. NO ONE does. Get rid of negative, judgmental, ignorant people because they are just toxic and will ruin your life if you let them in. Say NO, be true to who you are, never be afraid of it and live your life as happily as you can. Surround yourself with good, positive people and I am more than certain you are going to succeed in life.

All the best!
– Kathy
xxx

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This is my amazing friend Chris, isn’t he gorgeous!

A beautiful romance

I watched the movie ‘Love happens over the weekend and was just listening to ‘When I look at you’ by Miley Cyrus which is from the film ‘The Last Song’. Both of those films made me think of on screen movie romances because they both involve intense romance between the main characters. I thought of some of the really adorable on screen romances that are my most favourite and here is a list of my top ten (in no specific order):

1. Jamie and Landon – A walk to remember
2. Jack and Rose – Titantic
3. Ronnie and Will – The Last Song
4. Gerry and Holly – P.S. I love you
5. Danielle and Henry – Ever After
6. Sandy and Danny –Grease
7. Kat and Patrick – 10 Things I hate about you
8. Allie and Noah – The Notebook
9. Hanna and Michael – The Reader
10. Katey and Javier – Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights

I am a huge fan of all of these films and I love the connection each of these characters have between one another in each film. They all portray the essence of true love. Absolutely amazing.

A blissful life

So things are once again looking up. As you know, it has been a slightly stressful week because of feeling homesick and feeling guilty about not taking the pub job but it’s safe to say that the stressful phase has passed like I knew it would. And I’m over the fact I rejected the pub job because I realised that it just wouldn’t be for me.

The weekend put me in such a good mood. On Friday I went to Torquay which is by such a beautiful sea front. I took some photos there. And I also fit in some shopping and managed to find myself a bargain!

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I bought this beautiful baby for only £4.40 (roughly 6 bucks) thanks to 20% off the original price AND a £10 off voucher. It’s in my favourite colour too 🙂 SCORE!

Work at Enigma tonight was so much fun like last weekend. The energy was amazing and I met some new friendly faces and it made me feel even more comfortable than I already was. I love my job 🙂

I also love spending time with my two little cousins who I absolutely adore. They keep me going by rushing around after them and playing with them. I love them so much.

Life can only get better and no words can really describe how immensely happy I am. I just feel so free and vibrant. I don’t mind if some people are bothered by it because I go on about it. Everyone deserves to be and feel happy. Why wouldn’t you want the world to know?

War of my life

‘Worry doesn’t help tomorrow’s troubles, but it does ruin today’s happiness’ – Anonymous

I’ve been somewhat stressed the past couple of days. I do accept that this is normal because not everyday is perfect. I’ve been feeling bad about not trying out the pub job I had a chance to experience and I’m really keen on getting a second job so I can keep busy and help my family financially. I’m frustrated I haven’t been able to find one, apart from the opportunity from the pub job I had. So it is making me feel a little lost and uncertain. I’m so happy I have a job at Enigma but I also want something with more hours and during the week, while my cousins are at school.

Not only has that been on my mind, but I’ve been over-thinking and looking into some things a little too much.

I also found out that the university I got into has deferred me until the wrong year; 2014 instead of 2013. I know it’s not the end of the world and it will all work out but I would be quite upset if they can’t change this to the correct year because I went through the process of applying for uni and getting it organised. It’s not a difficult process but I just don’t want to have to go through that again because of one minor error someone has made. I have emailed the university and have kindly asked them to change my deferral time to the correct year. All I need to do is wait on their response and the outcome.

I don’t like feeling stressed, as I can’t imagine anyone else would. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that leads you nowhere and only makes you worry unnecessarily. I know now how to deal with it better, since becoming a more optimistic person so I know what to focus on when I’m feeling like this. I have gone over my ‘Secret Shifter’s list which has helped and I have also listened to some upbeat music that made me feel like dancing.

‘It’s possible to forget how alive we really are. We can become dry and tired, just existing, instead of really living. We need to remind ourselves of the juice of life, and make that a habit. Find those places inside that jump for joy, and do things’ – Anonymous

Stress is common and even the happiest of people go through it so I know that this is only a phase. It just feels very strange to me since I don’t stress near as much as I used to, but I am proud of myself for that. The key for me is to just keep pushing forward, laugh everything off and smile the whole way through.

‘You want an elixir for life’s drama? Laugh!!’ – Robert W. Merriweather

Life isn’t meant to be easy, but that’s what makes me the stronger person I am today.

‘Yes, stress messes with your life. It messes with mine. However, that’s when you have to fight back. Fight back with everything you’ve got. Get mad then get even by finding a little bit of joy in the midst of your stress’

Indecision

I tend to be stuck in the dilemma of having to make a decision, even over the most simple choices and I find that even the simple ones are the hardest to make decisions over. It’s crazy! I’m sure a lot of you have trouble in deciding what to do whether it be a big or small issue.

Last night, I was feeling quite stressed over having to make the decision of whether or not I wanted to go to my first shift at a local pub. You know when your gut is just saying no and then you become unsure of what to do? Well I was going with my gut and decided not to go ahead with the shift. But before that decision was even made, throughout the whole day I could not decide whether to attend or not. Time was ticking and I had to let the employer know because they were expecting me.

You would think such a decision would be easy to make. I either wanted to go, or I didn’t. Seems simple enough. But then come the feelings of guilt, thinking I should at least give it a go before I decide I like the job or not. And just constantly in my head I just didn’t know what to do anymore. I was so frustrated in myself that I could not make the choice so easily. In the end, I made a very last minute call to the employer telling her I wasn’t going to attend but I felt so bad because I called when I was supposed to start my shift so I didn’t really give them much time to allow for what I decided. It was unfair on them and rude of me to be honest. But I just became so hesitant in going because I just wasn’t sure if working in a pub was for me. Enigma is great because it’s such a busy atmosphere during the course of the night and I’m around a lot of young people but when I went to these two joint pubs on Monday for an interview, I just didn’t feel it was for me. I didn’t feel it was the right atmosphere and it just didn’t seem to fit in.

It wasn’t my idea to apply for this work but a word was put in for me for this job because the place was looking for people. That is what makes me feel bad even more. Certain things aren’t for everyone but it would have been more courteous to have given the employer more notice. But because of indecision, I ended up making a hasty choice in the end which most likely has now come at a cost to the relationship between me and the employers, and I have possibly ruined any chance of being accepted by them if I do decide I want to try the job out.

I was required to work three hours last night for training and I don’t think it would have killed me to try it out and then make a decision based on how I found it. But I let what I felt and saw on Monday at each pub get to my decision. When I feel something isn’t for me and I’m not keen on it, whether or not I’ve even tried it, I become really hesitant because I don’t like to do something that turns out being a waste of my time. That’s what happened with the call centre job I was at last week. I got the job and wasn’t extremely excited because I had a feeling it wouldn’t be too productive based on what product I was working for and I turned out being right. The job was boring and unproductive. And I ended up quitting. I guess I let what happened there become the base of my decision not to work at the pub. It would have been an experience and something to put on a resume, but I can’t see myself working a bar on my own of a particular day and dealing with drunk, older customers who may make crude remarks towards me. That and the fact the pub may be quiet some days. I cannot handle being bored at work and having to try and find things to do that have already been done.

I still feel a little bad about it even though I felt it wasn’t for me. I feel like I have let my family and myself down for not giving it a go. Not only that, but the employers too. They were expecting me and had already gone through how the place works and used their time to get things sorted out for me, only for me to decide last minute not to attend.

Nothing can be done about it now, but it just goes to show that sometimes there is no win no matter what your gut is telling you. Mine said no and yet I still ended up feeling bad about it. That and the problem of indecision.

Not only in this instance, but I find sometimes I can’t decide on what to eat if I’m going out to lunch with my friends and we end up wasting time trying to decide what to do. I try and avoid it all costs now and end up just going with whatever my first thought tells me.

Indecision is frustrating and it’s always the most complicated when it’s over a simple choice, like food. After all, you either want to eat this certain thing or you don’t. You either want to do something or you don’t. Sounds simple enough, right?

Behind the bar

I have now landed a job that I was aiming for in the UK. I work as a bar attendant at a local night club called Enigma. It is a typical industry to work in while travelling overseas but I’ve always had an interest in this work and I’ve always wanted to show my personality through this type of job role.

I didn’t realise how easy it is to get into hospitality around here. The interview I had didn’t even feel like an an interview at all. It was so quick and easy and the lady that interviewed me was really laid back. I remember how nervous I was going for this job, but at the same time I had a good feeling about it. And what do you know? I end up getting it! Positivity and belief really goes a long way. My family and friends have also been very supportive and behind me all the way.

Once I had got passed my nerves from the interview and getting the job, starting the actual job brought about more feelings of being nervous. I had never done bar work previously before this job and was so worried everything would be so hard. I felt better knowing there were two other new starters with me, although one already had experience in a pub.

When we were showed to the bar and how it works, everything was going in one ear and out the other. It all seemed too confusing to remember what buttons on the till did what and where all the drinks were and how to fill them and serve them. I was almost going to have a break down! I was so nervous to serve customers so I was happy that the club was quiet for a good hour.

Serving my first customer was nerve wracking and I almost ripped him off giving him the wrong change by mistake but it wasn’t long after that, that I suddenly picked up everything so quickly. I don’t even know how it happened but the serving and the pouring all became so easy. All my nerves had disappeared and I was just having fun with it. The atmosphere and energy was fantastic! The music was blaring and everyone was just having a good time. You just feel like dancing!

I also work with some really friendly and helpful people which made things a lot less stressful. I did have to open up myself a little more to people who who weren’t so talkative, but we seemed to get on well.

I’m not a pro or anything, but this job really is easy once you get the hang of it. I’m still learning but I do know the basics and have dealt with the most common drinks that people order. I’m just not so confident with beers. I need more practice on knowing the different ones and pouring those, otherwise I’m fine. I can’t wait for my next shift 🙂

On top of Enigma, I also will be starting a pub job at some point after today. Everything is just happening for me at the moment! These are good times.

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This is my Enigma shirt. I love uniforms! You feel so apart of something 🙂

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