There comes a point in your life where you don’t know who you are, where you want to be, what your long and short term goals are and the like. You’re at a stand still, not going forward nor backward. Just still, immobile and going nowhere. I believe this is very common in the adolescent years because it is a time you’re at the age where you’re still trying to find yourself and trying to find out who you really are and what you really want out of life. What a whole load of confusion!
Over the past 6 weeks or so I have only just figured out who I am and want I want in life. I also have short and long term goals that I never thought I would have created until now.
From previous blog posts, namely ‘I am number one’ and ‘Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional’ I talk about a break up I went through. And of course it is a very typical story where there are worse cases of that situation which is why I don’t like to play the victim role and I have stopped feeling sorry for myself. The point I’m trying to get at is, is that it was a time where I really lost myself for awhile and I had nothing left. My whole identity had been stripped away from me. I was emotionally broken. When I was in that position I never felt like I could get out of it because I was constantly putting myself into that situation and making it worse on myself when I knew it wasn’t healthy for me. But you can’t help how you feel sometimes and those feelings are bound to happen. I knew I needed to get out of that vicious cycle though.
My main escape or way of healing and becoming myself again was to travel – getting away to see different places and different people. Just constantly being surrounded by something different every day. It was also good to break out of routine at home too.
This traveling I’ve done so far has already paid off! I am so happy and I absolutely love life. I am so grateful I have had the chance to have a lot of time to myself to figure out what I want out of life, who I am, what I deserve and where I want to be. It’s such a good feeling knowing you’ve reached that point and from there you know you can conquer anything. I wake up everyday appreciating my life and I’m excited for what is to come. I treat every day as an adventure and just take everything as it comes.
I’m a much better friend because I can freely give advice without having to focus so much on what my problems were. Rather than being so consumed and constantly relying on my friends to make things better, I now feel strong enough to be there for my friends completely. And they seem to take in my advice more now that they can see I’m focusing on them when they need me.
Today I caught up with a good friend of mine for lunch and we had a really great catch up. I was laughing and talking so strongly and happily. I kept telling myself that I couldn’t even remember the last time I felt this happy. I usually would see my friends as a distraction from my problems but now that I’m not consumed by them, nor do I care for them I can actually catch up with my friends without that need to see them because I’m stressed out. I am genuinely happy and just talk so freely about things. I looked in the mirror when I got home and just gave a massive smile to myself for how far I’ve come in 6 weeks. I have really grown.
I have found out so many things about myself and I have learned to love myself again and feel happy. Days aren’t a struggle any more, simple tasks aren’t an effort like they used to be. I just feel so free and happy within myself that I can’t imagine going back to the person I used to be. It’s really hard for me to be negative these days because I don’t like to be any more. It’s a waste of emotion that only brings me down and I don’t need that. I have finally learned that choosing to feel happy is the much better and healthier option.
I love the fact that I have been traveling to help me find myself again. It’s what I really needed. My good friend actually mentioned a valid point and told me ‘don’t associate the happiness with the place, but within yourself’ and that’s a great point because he was trying to say I shouldn’t just feel happy because I’m away, that’s just what I needed to get me there but once I come back home, I’ll still feel happy. That has not changed at all since being home so I’m glad I haven’t associated my happiness with being away. It’s great I’ve had a head start in traveling on my own and getting some time to myself before I go to the UK for a year where things will be a lot more challenging. But I’m up for the ride and I have already achieved so much through traveling already, just imagine what the UK will do for me. This journey to self-discovery still continues!
I know people who are in this situation where they don’t care about themselves and life in general so they just let every day pass by them like it’s meaningless. It makes me sad and frustrated that people neglect their needs and not care about anything in life. Taking care of your appearance isn’t an issue any more and you eat and drink whatever you please until your belly explodes! And you gain those few extra kilo’s making yourself look and feel physically unhealthy. Now that I’ve gone passed that stage, I help those who are in that situation and motivate them to get themselves out of it because anything is possible and there is no such thing as a hopeless situation (referring to The Secret once again). You can change your life to the way you want to live it. I know it’s a hard place to get out of which is why it takes some time and patience until you realise it’s not where you’re meant to be. For those of you who are feeling really low at the moment because you’re going through a really hard time in your life, please don’t give up hope because you will be happy again and there will be something you choose to take up in in your life that will make you realise who you are again and that life is too short to be miserable. We’re all allowed to feel down at times which is completely normal but you don’t need to constantly put yourself in that situation. Things may seem really hard at the time, but they do get better. You just need to take one step at a time. That’s all it takes.
Just believe in yourself. You can do this. If I got there then so can you!